ENTRY N°18: Thursday 23rd May 2012

Sorry I haven't updated for a bit. I've still got my cold but I had to go back to school, which means I have to do stupid things like getting up in the morning and wearing normal clothes.

I want Sparrow's vocabulary.

So, it's 6:45 and I need to leave at twenty past eight (one of my rare nine o clock starts) so I'm blogging this now because I'm bored and germs are using my body as an intergalactic playground. I hate being human sometimes. Do Timelords get colds? I will kick myself in a minute and chastise myself for not knowing this. Season 7 will be out soon!

ENTRY N°17: Friday 17th May 2012

Day two of immune system-tiny chickens war. I'm not at school, which is a pro, and the chickens are winning, which is a con. Through some unnatural fluke I've gone off tea. This is psychological warfare and (possibly) against the Geneva convention - I will have those bastards in court.
So, I feel massively sick and I've watched all four episodes of North and South, all four looooooooong episodes of Wives and Daughters, and the BBC four hour long mini-series of Emma TWICE -
it's still only three minutes past three in the afternoon. For some mad reason, I don't feel much better. It's almost like you can have TOO MUCH costume drama. I will research this bizarre and
disloyal observation by watching all of them again - then I will get back to you. I'm sure that there's a perfectly natural explanation.

DREAMS: WIN THIS WAR WITH MINIMUM CIVILIAN CASUALTIES.

P.S Johnny Lee Miller is a sodding brilliant Mr. Knightley.

P.P.S Through some bizarre fluke my cat has got a cold at the same time as me - we occasionally sneeze in synchronization.

ENTRY N°16: Thursday 16th May 2012

TINY CHICKENS HAVE INVADED. EXPECT NO LONG UPDATES FOR SOME DAYS. WILL HOWEVER TRY AND KEEP YOU ABREAST ON ALL SIGNIFICANT ADVANCEMENTS IN THE CAMPAIGN TO REGAIN MY ANATOMY.
DAY 1 OF ENEMY OCCUPATION: Civilian population is in shock - Ibuprofen despatched.

ENTRY N°14: Tuesday 14th May 2012

It's the day of my DELF exam! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Actually, I didn't really mean that ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! because for some reason I'm not that nervous. It's not because I think I'm going to pass no problem or anything similarly arrogant, in fact I have no idea what it is. Yesterday I had a full blown argument with my parents about my GCSE options for next year, so I'm not in a fabulous exam killing mood.
Actually, that argument was really odd. I think it was about my being demotivated (POSSESSIVE GERUND! YES!!!) See, I'm not demotivated. I just looked up whether that was a possessive gerund or not.
Grammar is one of those really nice things that have clear rules and nice meanings. It's like a frame network of cleanliness and comfort. It also makes much more sense than a human ever did.
Anyway, it was something to do with my language options - we were filling in a form and I said that I wouldn't MIND doing Ancient Greek and my Dad then told me that if he'd been given the option of doing Latin or similar when he was my age, he would have jumped for it. I'm not quite sure how that ended with my mother calling Nerdfighteria "THE TWILIGHT SAGA!" and me trying to tell her to stick something quite rude where the sun doesn't shine through my facial expressions - but there you go. I'm not sure if I'll be able to spend much time in this wonderful land anymore as my father is threatening to teach me additional maths.
I should have known this would happen. I haven't even started my GCSE year yet and I'm doing extra work.
Yours quite crossly,

SM

MOTORHOME FUND: Whatever it was before plus a tenner! Oh yes!

DREAMS: Pass DELF well. Find the courage to use permanent marker on parent's faces. Don't die horribly.

ENTRY N°13: Thursday 10th May 2012 - Why Maupassant is a Fucking Genius -

I don't know why I felt the need to add an expletive to the title. Yes, pedantic little brain man, I do know that only people who don't have the words for something swear. And in this case, you'd be right.
I have no idea how to talk about Maupassant - maybe I'm so blown away because I read it as it was written, in French (Yes, I know enough to read nineteenth century great literature in French! FISTPUNCH! I don't even know how to do a fistpunch!) or maybe just because it is extremely brilliant. Because the odd thing is, I was reading it to improve my language - and now I'm not. Now I'm reading it because it's the best thing I've read since A Tale Of Two Cities, although probably with less crying.
I think the thing about him is that although his short stories are about different things, everyday things - they're also, in a strange way, brilliantly profound.
It's about kindness and cruelty - and how sometimes they're almost the same thing. Sudden bursts of human passion, love, despair, envy; and how a secret can kill you. The sudden, blind, random randomness of passion - an encounter on a bus leads to an illegitmate child; in a jealous fury a twelve year old girl murders her sister's fiancé. It's all so insane. And believeable.
I'm going to stop ranting about this now. I advise you to learn French just so you can read Le Pére De Simon.

DREAMS: Save poor Coco the horse from that brute - punch said brute in the face, and then beat him in a boxing match in style of Sherlock Holmes "The Solitary Cyclist".

ENTRY N°11: Tuesday 8th May 2012

It's 9:59 on a Tuesday, and I'm not having my socks bored off by teachers who don't know what they're talking about. This calls for celebration.

-A cup of tea and a digestive later-

Is it wrong to drink Baileys in the morning?

The reason that I'm not having my socks bored off is because I'm not actually in school. I'm at home, and soon to be in a Cathar (not even sure if that's spelt right) castle. What an exciting life I lead...
Catharism was a Christian religious movement that appeared in the eleventh century (becoming more widely spread in the twelth and thirteenth)
Here it is according to wiki:

Cathars, in general, formed an anti-sacerdotal party in opposition to the Catholic Church, protesting against what they perceived to be the moral, spiritual and political corruption of the Church.

"...they usually say of themselves that they are good Christians, ...hold the faith of the Lord Jesus Christ and his gospel as the apostles taught... occupy the place of the apostles. ...they talk to the laity of the evil lives of the clerks and prelates of the Roman Church... ...they attack and vituperate, in turn, all the sacraments of the Church, especially the sacrament of the eucharist, saying that it cannot contain the body of Christ... Of baptism, they assert that the water is material and corruptible... and cannot sanctify the soul... ...they claim that confession made to the priests of the Roman Church is useless... They assert, moreover, that the cross
of Christ should not be adored or venerated... Moreover they read from the Gospels and the Epistles in the vulgar tongue, applying and expounding them in their favour and against the condition of the Roman Church..."
— Bernard Gui, On the Albigensians

This castle is supposed to be incredible, dear non-existant readers. I'll give you an account of that later.

DREAMS: Meet Harry Potter. Be given an Xbox by Ginny Weasley. Why does everyone hate her?

ENTRY N°10: Sunday 6th 2012

Last day of the weekend. Strange, depressing feeling similar to when you've just eaten an entire packet of biscuits in less than forty minutes. Stomach hurts. Generally depressing "vibe". Had a "bust up" (I will never get over that phrase) with parental departments. You know what, I'm just going to go back and re do that sentence. I had a row with the parental departments.
Small comforts - I am alone in the house with my laptop, many mugs of tea and a red blanket. I am watching Groundhog Day. For some reason I feel strangely happy.
Note to self, somehow work the words "bing" and "heckfire" into daily conversation.

Fucking. Tired. Is 10:03 AM and my eyes already ache from staring at the computer screen. My weekends are not healthy and I love them.

I have to sleep. Goodnight.

DREAMS: Go to sleep. Remember what I want to do with my life.

P.S I'm a god. I'm not *the* God... I don't think.

P.P.S It's election day where I live. That's France for those of you non-existent people who don't pay attention to me. Marine Le Pen got knocked out last month so we won't be kicked out of the country for at least another four years, hard luck...?

P.P.S No sign of Martin Freeman yet. I want Martin Freeman's face! SODDING. T SHIRT. COME. NOW.